Different(a night of tequila)

A few shots of tequila in our blood, and we care less what it was,
It is the name that matters and the person that cares.

I know we are different, and we say it different,
We may want the same, yet we don’t show it the same.

A part of me wants it, I keep within my shell,
We share the void; the shell protects as we lay still..

A few more shots - we hear our empty beings,
And you want to share a few things.
Kiss me by my cheek, to be strong.
You say we are friends - you kiss me again,
And I want to kiss you, as we are friends.
But we are different, and we say it different,
You tremble away - this is different.
And I say the same, but it is different.
We are friends and we are different.

My shell is all that protects now as we lay still..

Nature

Beyond the jungle man created,
Beyond its elegance and beauty established over years,
Beyond the dust, dump and structures created through his technology,
There are places that still remain like they were to be.

Those which were harassed and nurtured by her;
Places where she could give you company when you were alone,
And make you lonely;
Those that were harsh and kind to all.

Where she followed rules and embraced anarchy,
Where many found paths when lost in her abode,
To whom she taught a language to converse with her, to understand her and thyself.
Nature - the mother and the devil;
Taught us to survive and sustain,
To be savage or humble,
To choose morals of the righteous or to be what we can.

I want to go there; not to know myself,
Self-discovery continues forever.
But to appreciate her sustenance,
To see who she is and has become,
To explore places where she has isolated herself from others,

To tell her I like her the way she is.

Long nights

Nights pass away in search of a solution to the substantial,
Time ticks away through voids hidden beneath the superficial,
A yearning lives on agitated to know its purpose.

Nights pass away in search of answers,
In search of the right questions;
Lost in its silence in search of the right words,
A hidden frustration to find none to speak to it.

Another long night I breathe through alone,
Mellowed by exhaustion, ease in to the dark,
In the hope tomorrow may shine on me.

Sun and Dark

Man has invented many,
Among them was light to rid the darkness.
Today, I see people in merry,
Laughing, talking and living in glee.
Tonight, the light has become blinding; no more do I find it soothing.

There are those worshiped as celestial embodiments; few realize they are beneath the highest powers.
They do shine in the night, but people forget the source of their might.
They use the sun, and are less noble than they have become.
Not all are guilty of a sin, but are guilty to be revered more than they are to be.
Today, I see less of the sun and more of the rest,
And so, I choose to remain in the dark.

Free fall...

Sometimes, life can become very overwhelming. Sometimes, you find yourself in a race; you run not knowing why but fearing you will never know. And every time you pause for a moment to introspect, you find that white line-your only source of light slipping away into the dark.

***

"Run from whats comfortable. Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious." (Rumi)

***

Somehow, reading the above quote made me think of free fall. When in free fall, there is that serene moment you fear that it isn’t. One where you finally have yourself to listen to, to speak, to think; oblivious and isolated from all the noises, good and bad, that have become your life. You know you aren’t going to be disturbed. It is you and you alone. In a world becoming increasingly connected, with complexities that a simple mind dwells into and goes astray; the fall is free of everything. You may fall into a pit, crash into a pile of rocks, or thud into a deep ocean through which you either swim or drown. But, you have those moments where your mind is blank, free from everything you have learnt. A moment to reboot, to absorb; and then you achieve clarity in your tryst with gravity. You realize that you can still climb out of that pit you allowed to be dug, fly away from the seemingly ubiquitous pile of rocks, swim through the ocean and find the light.

O my foolish heart

O my foolish heart, do not be sad for not being here, for not reaching the heavens,

There are many paths waiting to be explored,

There are many more places you haven’t been.

Do not grow a beard and throw words of wisdom,

You need to be young, exploit your gifted freedom.

The journey never ends, neither does the joy and learning,

Keep moving on till you own your energy, and let your emotions push you further.

This isn’t the age to reflect deep, this is your time to fall and rise,

Make most of today when your wounds heal quicker than ever,

And keep moving ahead before the tide of times gulps you forever.

Be the devil, or become her victim...

Sometimes, life forces you to accept a world that exists even though it ought not to. Sometimes, life forces one to accept the existence of certain characters even if they ought not to. And, when I view her struggles, I am forced to accede to these theories.

In today’s Indian society(not limited to the geographic India), women are growing increasingly independent. An event a sizable section of the society finds it hard to digest, leave alone accept. I salute the mental strength of women. At its peaks, no one can challenge the resolve of a woman. And the women have begun to rise against the taunts and torments of the “righteous” society.

So, what happens when you suppress anything beyond the threshold? It explodes! Be it a cylinder, a volcano or a society.

I believe this is true in the case of today’s women too. Along with their growing independence and confidence; adamancy and a domineering trait have also crept in. This is not her fault nor is it always a bad thing. Bad or good is contextual. And, these qualities may well need to be slightly larger in proportion to effectively combat the regressive attitude of an unfortunately larger society. However, a systemic change is needed.

In an ideal world, men and women will be allowed experiment with their lives to know what they are capable of. Learning is through realization and that realization can’t be enforced; it has to be organic.

And, when I see her willingness to sacrifice for the family being exploited, I can see she has become the victim. For instance, she sacrifices her career to look after the family. But when she is made to sacrifice even when she can maintain a work-life balance, she is the victim. When she is told her priority must be to stay indoors and appease the family, she is the victim. And, when she suffers differential treatment because she was not born in that family, she is the victim again. 

(Going into the reasons why women have been treated in this manner is an extensive topic and I will not be able to do justice with a few lines of mention in this write. So, I will stick to the extreme cases as mentioned above which continue to happen in large numbers)

And so, when I see today’s women demand in-laws to adjust and heed to their lifestyles, I understand the legitimacy in their voice. But when they impose marital conditions that in-laws are welcome only as guests, I see a touch of the devil. While this attitude may have risen from injustice meted out by in-laws of previous generations; doing so today might as well shut the door to the change needed in today’s society, the change they have been fighting for. As a result, prospective in-laws and today’s women may often find themselves in the opposite corners of a court and neither ready to find a middle ground. 

Unfortunately, until this is resolved, she may have to be the devil or become her victim.

Lazy

In the middle of a conversation if the eyes don’t meet,

Or when I see you across the street,

And respond with a glance while my hands stay low,

Just know, I ain't shy or rude,

Nor am I a prude.

Might sound crazy,

Its just that I’m lazy

Pain

Sometimes pain is all you need to gain,

Sometimes pain is the ideal way to train,

Sometimes you need to be insane to become sane again.

It can be excruciating, yet you need to find the drive to keep going,

Realize that all would be undone if you started to wane,

In the thoughts of your dreams going down the drain.

Walk Alone

A tide of negativity has consumed me in her furore,

Yet, I survive; but I have grown dark and bitter.

I know this is not what I want to be,

Yet I walk along knowing I am still me.

An urge to change still exists,

Through lows and disasters, I try to persist,

But even the lustrous day can’t deny the night,

And I am tired to fight by myself, pulling myself through each night.

I have felt the sting of my dark side,

I have witnessed the joys of my other side,

Yet I am unable to cross over,

With every failure, my energy has dimmed further.

I understand, it is my struggle,

Eventually, it is my decision to quit or persist,

The absence of a guide, I desist,

I try to take it in my stride, but I am unable to resist,

The forces that pull me down scream at me “You cannot do this alone, you cannot do this alone”.

And time has passed by, years have gone,

But with them, I have grown,

There has never been another way out, I have always known,

Faith, my only hope, has pushed me on,

I am desperate; and I have nothing to lose,

An inner voice urges me to go on,

I shall face what I have been shown,

Pursue this journey, even if I have to walk alone.

The Solution

A storm has hit me, thrown me away from the path I once travelled,

I am lost, unable to overcome the fears I once dispelled.

I try to stay positive; I know I have no other option,

But sometimes you have to give in before you can find the solution.

A day, a month, a year...time has run by and a shell has grown,

I still find myself lost, unable to recognise my own.

Have I spent too much time towards the wrong thing?

Have I messed up in indecision, rage, fear or sloth?

Or am I thinking too much beyond meaning.

I won’t dwell upon the genesis of the storm,

Time has long gone, and I won’t curse them for what I have become,

For they have shown me what may happen,

For I know when I look back upon;

Not the relief of vengeance satisfied, but only joy and peace will stay when I overcome,

And now, I have to act before I drown in this storm.

I may have spent too much time,

But once you learn, you’d realize it hasn’t cost a dime.

I may complain that I have lost on things experienced by others,

But I believe there’s a balance, and I will experience what I desire, I deserve in the times now or later.

This is how it is; we are driven by faith,

We need to believe in something that can drive us out of our troubles before it is too late.

One may argue, which path of belief would be true,

But if we were to know everything, life would have no meaning.

So, I won’t say what pulled me out of the storm,

Because it is the journey that is more exciting than the goal we fancied on.

Time and Distance

It is funny what time and distance can do,

They define the universe and our relationships too.

Across the sands of time, we know who is true,

When separated by distance, you realize who is there for you.

But it hurts inside to know the few, who care no more for you,

And the few who do, make it easier to pass through.

You realize these are the ones who will do anything for you,

But you still have the memories where everyone’s there with you.

And the tragedy is not everyone will stay when the day turns gloom, 

Yet somewhere inside, you know you haven’t felt better that it is out there in front of you.

It is funny what time and distance can do, 

This is life, it can’t be more true…